What is your opinion?
Dark thriller, well worth the read
"I've finished the first three chapters of "Ladies Close Your Eyes" and was so engrossed, I had to write a review immediately. As a fan of both thrillers and descriptive imagery, I was completely immersed in the world the author created. The details are so vivid, you can picture the plot perfectly as if you were watching a movie and not simply envisioning it in your mind. My one note of caution would be that, because of the vivid description, the depictions of murder and postmortem injury are so grim that they would be best interspersed by longer, lighter moments, simply to give the reader relief from the darkness (e.g. the break between the first chapter and the end of the second). Other than some simple punctuation problems that could be fixed with editing, this novel is well worth the read, bringing a unique perspective to the genre. I am excited to see what happens next!"
Very Good
"I really enjoyed this as far as plot goes. It makes a great beginning and the level of detail makes you think you're right there with the characters. Just a few points about punctuation. there should be a comma after a statement: "I took the dog for a walk," she said. Even when a question is asked, "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked. It's still considered one sentence when you add he asked or she said, etc. Other than that I found your writing style to be very strong, very interesting and I look forward to reading more."
Excellent Premise in Need of Some Polish
"Let me start by saying that Ryk Brink's style of writing is excellent. His prose kept me engaged from the beginning to the very end, and I have no trouble saying that I wouldn't be surprised to see his work published some day. Having said that, there are some niggling details with this story that keep it from truly shining. The biggest thing in need of work here is the grammar. Several proper nouns aren't capitalized and there are a few typos and construction problems in every chapter. Most conspicuous, though, are the mix of British and American English. Sometimes the author chooses a British-ism or a British spelling, and sometimes an American. This was quite distracting and - seeing that the author is from South Africa - I would encourage him just to do it the British way except for dialogue (the story takes place in the USA). The other big problem here is one of agency. The main character simply does not do anything in the story of his own initiative. I'm sure that was partly the purpose in the tale, but it simply felt distracting to have a character to do nothing but be led around by the nose the whole book. This might sound overly critical, and I don't mean it that way. I see a lot of promise in this author and will probably check out more of his work. I want him to improve and his work to get even better over time,and I look forward to seeing what he comes up with next."
Ladies close your eyes
"I have read only Ch.1 so far, a very cinematic piece the writing flows well and the 'show' rather than 'tell' used well, a lyric of images I think. It is engaging and I would be keen to continue reading. I get a 1950s U.S.A feel from both the prose and the setting."
Ladies Close Your Eyes
"Overall I found myself imagining the scenes described so vividly and with clarity while reading the book and could picture them as it were. There was certainly a lot of creativity in the writing with the right element of keeping the interest of the reader intact. I liked that it came with a song as well as it built up the suspense to the story. Makes a good story line for a book. shobana"
Experience Required!
"Overall a very interesting and highly descriptive read. Personally I like a more descriptive work because in a lot of ways I think that doing so enables the imagination. I like to be able to picture something clearly in my head and that is what you'll find here. I have a few issues with grammar and punctuation, but that is to be expected from anyone on here so take it with a grain of salt. It doesn't leave a lot of room to lose focus, which can make it seem tiring at first but that is where I found the beauty of it! It's definitely a read that warrants a lot of attention, but comes with great reward. Not for an inexperienced reader, but for the experienced reader it can be a treasure. Overall enjoyable, can't wait to read more!"
That was an interesting read.
"It had quite a bit of flair and you seem to really like using lots of similes and metaphors. Because of that it reads almost more stream of consciously than anything else. A very visual pieces so it feels more like a scene in a movie. Now some issues I had with it. Even though I understand that the song lyrics are important to the piece, I found them kind of jarring and when they came in they kind of took me out of the scene for a moment. Maybe see how it reads with the entire song written out before story, or a bit in the beginning and a bit at the end. The perspective change near the end also threw me a bit, when it changed from the man, to the woman, back to the man. Some grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing that made it unreadable. Overall a good start to what seems to be a creepy and mysterious story."
A drag to read
"It was an interesting premise however the writing felt overly descriptive for no pay off. I had to sit through 5 paragraphs of descriptions for something worthwhile to happen and then the novel ends in a disappointing manner."
Good Plot, but needs a fair amount of work...
"Ladies Close Your Eyes is an odd piece. On the one hand, the story is written with an enormous attention to detail and (as some of the other reviews have already pointed out) it is very easy to visualise the locales that the author is describing. On the other, there is a huge amount of suspense riding through the story, which lends itself quite nicely to the plot. As a story, it is intriguing, dark and weirdly captivating and - from the very first moment - it made me feel very uncomfortable, which I imagine was the point. However, it is not without its issues that I think need developing or rethinking. In the first instance, I found it very hard to develop any emotional attachment to any of the characters. In fact, for the first two chapters, I was unsure of who was even the lead in the story because we learnt next to nothing about the main players. By the time the penny finally dropped and I started taking a stronger interest in James, I had already been desensitised by the dark events of the first few chapters so - even at the final stages - I didn't really care too much about what happened. No matter how horrific a character is acting in the first few chapters, there has to be something to make the reader root for them. If the reader is convinced that they don't like the character, then they will have very little interest in finishing the story. On a writing note, the story is littered with spelling and grammatical errors which also threw me a little bit. The style feels a little stunted as well - at various points I began to wonder whether this piece would be better off being written in first person as that would allow the sudden changes diversions of thought and the lengthy descriptions that you have already. Also, there were a couple of times when you changed tense - it usually only lasted for a small scene, but there were occasions where it suddenly changed mid way through the action, which jarred me out of the story and forced me to go back and re-read bits again. Finally, If there was one thing I would say needs to be improved on, I would say it is the introduction of new characters. Every time a character is introduced, the action is halted for a paragraph so that we can be given a complete physical description of the newcomer. This jars the story somewhat and isn't really necessary. As a reader, I don't need to be told every aspect of someone's appearance in the first moment of meeting them - it can be spread out a bit. Instead of describing Edd (for example) in one go, you can say he's a plump guy who desperately wants to look young. Then later on you can have him stuff his hands in his cargo pants, or brush back his boyish hair or have James chuckle internally about Edd's giant head.... Basically, you don't need to separate your actions from your descriptions - especially when you are introducing more than one character. There are always creative ways moulding the two together. The long and the short of it is this: I think you have a good plot here - the premise is good and the way you unfold the story isn't bad at all. But the style needs to be worked on a fair bit because, at the moment, that's what's letting it down - for me at least. Keep going with this one. Redraft it a few times and I think you'll be on to something..."
