Change

IT WAS EARLY June, and I had big plans for the weekend. I was going hiking over a new trail with Brandon, my best friend. We’d been friends since kindergarten and I thought of him almost like one of my brothers, only he didn’t torment me like they do.

It was Friday, and the day had dawned beautiful and clear. It was going to be a full day trip, and we had already let our families know where we were going. I even packed my lunch the night before so I had one less thing to do before we could leave that morning.

At just after six, the sun and I had both been up for almost an hour, and I was nearly ready. I ran the brush through my hair, smoothing it into the ponytail I was forming on the back of my head. Winding an elastic around the tail, I glance out the window, and saw a familiar car pull into a parking space in the lot below. Picking up the brush again, I finished brushing out my hair as I watched a tall athletic frame climb out of the car and head around the end of the building. I was adding the last of my things to my backpack when a knock sounded on my front door.

“It’s open!” I continued packing.

“You always just holler at anyone who knocks on your door at six in the morning that the door’s open? And why exactly is the door open while we’re at it?” Brandon demanded as he walked in.

“Just the ones I’m expecting,” I said, zipping my bag before looking up.

“You were expecting me, so what? It still could have been anyone at the door,” he was still intent on his point.

“Could have, except that I saw you pull in as I finished my hair. I unlocked the door a couple of minutes ago, just before grabbing my lunch. I knew it was you, Brand.”

“Ok, fair enough. I’m just looking out for you, Chica,” his tone much calmer now, his hands up in front of himself as if in surrender.

“I know,” I said, “and I know you only push the issue because you care. Otherwise you’d be choking on your balls right now.”

“Jeez, Nickie, don’t bottle up your emotions like that, you’ll get hurt. You need to learn to express yourself or someday it’ll all come exploding out. Then where will you be?” he looked at me, totally deadpan.

I didn’t bother responding other than to flip him off as I turned to go use the restroom one more time before we headed out. When I returned I asked him, “You got everything you need?”

“Everything but you and your pack.”

“Then let’s get a move on, we’re burnin’ daylight,” I said flippantly as I picked up my bag and slung it over one shoulder. I led the way out and turned to wait for him to exit the apartment before activating the lock. Brandon looked confused, as if he didn’t quite understand but I didn’t explain the film reference and let it drop.

The drive out to the parking area where we planned to start our hike took us about forty-five minutes, by then it was almost seven and the day was starting to warm up. It was still relatively cool but it was already hinting at the heat that the sunshine and desert floor would bring. We strapped our backpacks on and I tucked my Personal Communication Device, more commonly known as a PCD, into the pocket of my jeans where I could easily reach it, and we took off.

We started out heading west away from the cars, the ground was rough and uneven but I was used it and I moved over the loose rubble and small rocks with ease. We followed what appeared to be a wildlife trail. A path made by frequent passage of animals like deer and javelina, it was narrow and winding but had very little overhanging brush, so it was an easy walk. As we walked over the still flat ground I called out to Brandon.

“What have you been up to lately?”

“Not much, work, sleep, eat. You?”

“About the same, throw in spending time with the family and you have my life.”

“I’m glad we were able to get out today, it’s a beautiful day. I really needed the escape from life for a while and this is a great way to do it.”

“I agree,” I continued along the trail that was starting to turn and lead uphill. “Careful through here, it’s really loose,” I warned him as I placed my feet carefully to keep from losing my balance as the bits of rubble that had washed off the mountain above us rolled and shifted under them.

Several minutes later we came to a spot where water running down the hill had washed away the softer soil leaving a sharp drop off that was taller than I was. I stopped and waited for Brandon to make the last few steps up beside me. When he reached my side I could see that the obstacle wasn’t quite as tall as he was, but that didn’t mean that either of us could get over it alone.

“We’re gonna have to work together for this one,” I said.

“Yep,” He replied. “How do you want to do this, you up first or me?”

“You’re gonna have to go first, I can boost you from the bottom but I don’t have the strength to pull you from the top.”

Brandon nodded. “You ready?”

“You wanna go up with your backpack or should we take them off and hand them up separately?”

“Let’s try it with them first, we can always take them off and try again if we need to.”

“Okay,” I said, moving to one side of where we wanted to go up the face and bent down on one knee so that the leg in front was placed for Brandon to step onto.

“Will that work for you?” I asked.

“I think so, let’s try it.” He reached up and braced his hands on the top of the small cliff before he carefully placed one booted foot on top of my knee.

“Ready?” He checked with me. At my nod, he quickly pushed up onto my knee and used his arms to pull his body up onto the ledge, like one would lift themselves out of a pool. Seconds later he was standing on top of the small cliff looking down at me.

“How are we gonna do this?” I asked, craning my neck to look at him. “There’s nowhere for me to step on my way up.”

“Just stand right there,” he pointed to where he had gone up the cliff face, “And hold both arms above your head. I’ll do the rest.”

“Are you sure you can lift me?” I asked, skeptical.

“Pretty sure,” He sounded confident, “But we won’t know for sure until we try, will we?” He stood right at the edge he had just climbed over. “Come on, let’s give this a try.”

I looked up at him and he bent down until he was almost sitting on his heels and reached his arms down to take mine. I knew there was no way I’d be able to lift him like that. I extended both my arms over my head and reached past his hands to grip his wrists as he wrapped his long fingers firmly around my wrists.

“Are you ready?” he asked, looking at my face for signs of fear. I nodded and he started to stand up, using his legs instead of his back to pull me up the rock face. He kept his eyes on my face, my best guess is that he was watching for signs of panic in case I started to struggle but I trusted him. I resisted the urge to try to walk my feet up the cliff face, knowing it would only push my body away and possibly over balance us both. Instead I settled for bending my knees and using them to crawl onto the ledge as soon as I was high enough. He stepped back slightly, keeping his grip on my arms as he asked, “You good?”

“Yeah,” I said, releasing his arms as he let go of mine then standing. “I wasn’t sure that would work, but I’m glad it did.”

“Me too,” He said. “You want to take a break here, or continue to the top of the fan first?”

“I’m ready to go if you are. You didn’t pull anything lifting me like that, did you?”

“Nah, I’m fine, let’s go then.” He turned to take the lead for a while.

It was mid-afternoon when it happened. We’d already stopped for lunch and started making our way back, taking a different route. This one wasn’t as clear of trail but the going was easier, which was good as I was starting to get a bit tired. We had stopped a couple times on the return trip but I admit, I wasn’t being as careful as I should have been. I was walking along thinking about something else, I don’t even remember what anymore, but my mind wasn’t on where I was going or what was around me. I tripped over a rock, stumbling for an instant before falling to my hands and knees.

Hitting the ground jarred me back into the present, knocking the breath out of me and leaving me momentarily dazed. I heard a buzzing sound, but didn’t register what it was right away. I thought it was just my ears ringing from the fall. Crap, that’s what I get for not paying attention. I heard Brandon stop on the trail ahead of me, and without even thinking about it I tried to get up. I’d already started moving, trying to push myself up with my arms so I could get back onto my feet, when I spotted it.

By the time I realized it was a snake, it was too late. He was already in mid-strike and I didn’t have time to avoid getting bitten. He’d seen my movement as a threat and was only doing as his instincts demanded and defending himself. I felt the fangs as they pierced the denim of my jeans and sank deep into my flesh of my calf. There was a hot, burning sensation as the venom pumped into my body. The snake quickly disengaged his fangs and escaped across the sand, having already done his damage and hopefully slowing the threat long enough to let him get to safety.

“Oh, shit,” I said, my mind spinning with panic so intense I couldn’t put more than the two words together, even in my head.

I froze, trying to slow my mind so that I could think and not just react.

“What is it?” Brandon asked, backtracking to my side to see what had happened.

“Snake. It got me,” I told him, speaking in short gasps as I struggled to calm my mind enough to think.

“Rattler?”

“Yep.”

“Where?”

“My right leg. On the calf.” I was starting to be able to think again. What are we going to do now? We’re still at least a half mile from the car and there’s no way I can hike it now. It’ll take hours for anyone to get out here to us, if they can even find us and do they even keep anti-venom in the area anymore? My mind was still racing but I could at least make out my own thoughts. I knew I had to keep from getting hysterical, that would only pump the venom through my body faster. Stay calm.

My skin suddenly felt too small, as though it were shrinking but the rest of my body had stayed the same size. My whole body started stinging. Wow, I didn’t know that snake venom acted this fast.

Suddenly, or at least it seemed sudden to me, I felt like things were starting to move inside my body, bones and muscles moving into new places. I must be starting to hallucinate. The thought only drove my panic faster. I felt as though I had lost control of my body. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it all stopped, the burning of the bite, the stinging in my skin, the sensation of bones and muscle moving and grinding against each other beneath my skin.

Have I died? I wondered, confused. I’d never heard of a snake bite numbing like that. I’d always been told how painful they were and how a victim suffered the pain for years, if they survived that is. Something strange was happening to me and I had no idea what it was.

I looked up at Brandon. He was standing next to me and I could see the surprise on his round face, not panic, not fear, just surprise. I tried to speak to him, to ask what was going on, but all that came out was a high-pitched whine. What the hell was that? It was a sound I had never heard from my own throat in my life. It was a sound more like a puppy would make than a human.

Well, I’ll be damned!” Brandon ran one hand through his short brown hair. “I’d given up the hope it would ever happen.” His voice seemed very loud, almost as though he were screaming instead of speaking. I whimpered and ducked my head, trying to pull my shoulders up around my ears.

“Whoops,” Brandon said softly, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Sorry, I forgot how sensitive your ears are when you change the first time.”

Change, what did he mean change? He bent down on one knee and reached one hand toward my face, I felt his hand under my chin as he lifted my face to look into my eyes. I knew something was different, but I couldn’t tell quite what.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, still speaking very softly. “Do you feel better now?”

I tilted my head to one side, as I thought about what he had asked me. It was gone, all of it. The pain from the bite, even the sting of my hands where I’d caught myself when I fell. What’s more, thinking about it made me realize that I felt good, like I could run back to the car and laugh the whole time. I wasn’t even tired anymore, a little hungry, but not tired. I tried to say so to him but this time it came out as a short bark, which made me jump and look around me. What the hell was that?

Brandon chuckled, “It’s okay.” He sounded reassuring. “Do you think you can walk back to the car?”

I started to get up and that’s when it hit me. I was no longer walking on two legs, instead I was on all fours. I twisted around and looked at myself and was so surprised I fell on my butt, my body was no longer my own and this one didn’t function in quite the same way. I was now in the body of a dog of some kind, a big brown one that was almost red in the sunlight. I turned and looked at Brandon again and whined, scared because I didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t think about what was happening though, I had to just go, when it was over and I was safe I would have time to question it, to have a breakdown if I needed to. Right now, I needed to get back to the car.

“You’re all right, trust me, it’s okay. Let’s go back to the car. I’ll explain it to you, but you’re gonna want to be human so that you can ask the questions I know you’ll have, plus you don’t have any other clothes here. And trust me on this, you do not want to hike through this stuff naked,” he said, motioning to the thorny mesquite and rough creosote brush that surrounded us. He picked up my backpack by the carry handle at the top and that’s when I noticed that the arm straps were broken. He stood and started back down the path we’d been on, headed toward the car. I whined and barked at him, refusing to move. He turned around to look at me.

“What?” he asked.

I nosed the shredded remains of my clothes, smelling the acrid scent of the venom on my jeans as my nose brushed the rough cloth.

“You shredded ’em, just leave them.”

I refused to give up and sat down, indicating that I was staying with my clothes. After watching me for a couple of minutes he came back and stuffed the remains of the clothing into my backpack.

“Happy now?”

Satisfied he wasn’t leaving my things behind, I silently stood up and padded along the trail toward the car.

Once I started moving it only took me a few minutes to get used to the way my new body moved, to get the hang of walking on four legs instead of two. After that first few minutes of fumbling around and tripping over my own feet, the trip seemed much faster than I thought it should be. I admit I found moving on four feet through the brush and over boulders much easier than hiking on two, but I tried not to think about it. I was going to have to wait for answers, and freaking out in the meantime would do me no good. When we reached the parking lot Brandon went around to the driver’s side of the car and unlocked the doors. I followed him, not willing to let the only person who knew what was happening to me out of my sight.

“I’m glad we brought my car instead of yours,” Brandon opened the rear door and motioned me into the back seat. “Hop in, I’ll be right back.” He moved away from the still open door and toward the rear of the vehicle.

If I’m in the car he won’t be going anywhere without me, it’s not like he’s going to walk all the way back to town. I reasoned with myself as I hopped up into the backseat, turned a small circle on my feet and then sat down to wait for his return. It was only a couple of moments later he appeared in the doorway, slid into the car and sat down on the bench seat next to me. He was silent for several seconds, his expressive golden-brown eyes focusing on the stack of folded clothes in his lap as if he didn’t know where to start.

Brandon cleared his throat as he turned to face me. “Okay, here are some clothes. Don’t worry, they’re clean. I need you to listen closely and try to do exactly as I tell you. All right?” He met my gaze. By now I knew better than to try to speak, so I just nodded my head once, maintaining eye contact. “You’re going to need to concentrate, picture your body, not as it is now but your human body, focus on that image. You need to will yourself back into that body, to want to be like that enough to make your body shift. Do you understand?” I nodded again, unsure I could do what he was asking, but really, what other choice did I have? “I’m going to leave these here for you. I’ll get out and close the door, then I’ll turn my back and wait. You’ll need to knock on the window, or open the door when you’re dressed, then we’ll talk, okay?”

Not seeing any other option, I nodded. He slid off the seat and out the still open door, before turning around and setting the stack of clothes on the seat where he had been. He looked at me again briefly before he closed the car door and turned away. Through the window I saw him lean against the side of the car, as though he were patiently waiting for someone to walk out of the desert in front of him. He pulled his PCD from the front pocket of his jeans and it looked like he was making a call, but the enclosed car muffled his voice enough so that I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

I felt a little lost, Can I really be me again just by doing what he said, by thinking about and wanting to be me again?

I sat for a moment, wondering how this could possibly work. Has Brandon ever lied to you? Would he ever do anything to hurt you? I trusted Brandon and if he said I could do this, then I could, I just had to do as he had instructed.

Several deep breaths later, I’d relaxed some of the tension from my body. I closed my eyes and concentrated on clearing all the outside thoughts. I pictured my body just as I had seen it this morning in the mirror. I started at the floor and worked my way up. I could see my feet standing on the tan carpet of my bedroom floor, the teal nail polish I had applied to my toe nails earlier in the week. I worked my way up, picturing the round bones on the outsides of my ankles and the muscles in my calves, and there was the small scar just below my left knee from a fall off my bike as a child. I could see my thick, muscular thighs that I’d hated as a teenager, but didn’t mind so much now. I continued up the rounded shape of my rear sloping up to my smaller, but not quite slender waist, and up farther past the generous curves of my breasts to my face.

I concentrated on my round face, the large green eyes that dominate it. I pictured in my mind my full lips and auburn hair, curling gently as it had settled around my shoulders while I brushed it out before pulling it up. I thought of how badly I wanted to be back in that body. When the tingling sensation all over my skin started again it surprised me and I almost lost the mental picture of myself, but I managed to ignore it and continued to wish myself back into my body, to concentrate on how badly I wanted to be me again. The tingling intensified until it was almost stinging, and I felt my muscles begin to stretch and my bones start to shift and grind against each other.

After what seemed to be several minutes, the uncomfortable sensations started to fade, they slowed to a stop, no more bones shifting, or muscles popping, even the tingling faded until I felt normal once again.

I opened my eyes and anxiously looked down at myself, half afraid of what I would see. I was sitting naked, but human in the back seat of the car. I scrambled to put on the too large clothes Brandon had left for me, worn, soft, sweat pants and matching top, but no shoes. If he had any they probably wouldn’t have fit anyway. I leaned across the car and knocked on the window to let him know I was decent. He looked relieved when he turned and popped the door.

“Climb up into the front, let me grab something and then we’ll talk.” He closed the door again before heading for the back of the car.

As I climbed between the front seats and settled into the passenger’s seat, I heard the trunk open and close again before Brandon came back around and got into the driver’s seat beside me. He handed me a couple of protein bars “Eat up.”

I looked at the bars he had put into my hands and scrunched up my face in distaste.

“Those things are nasty,” I said. He didn’t say anything but took one back and opened the packaging, I could suddenly smell the bar inside and I realized I was starving. Before I knew it, they were both gone. When I realized that I had just eaten both bars in under a minute I was embarrassed at having inhaled the food, and with little memory what kind of manners I might have shown in doing so. It must have shown on my face, because Brandon chuckled.

“Don’t worry about it, Nick. I know how hungry shifting can make you, especially when you’re healing at the same time, that’s why I grabbed them. They aren’t going to be enough, but they’re all I have. They’ll take the edge off, and hopefully hold you until we can get you something better to eat.”

“What’s going on? What do you mean you know hungry shifting can make you? I’ve figured out what you mean by shifting, but how? How is it possible? And how can I be healing so fast? I noticed when I got dressed that wound from the snake bite is healing, it’s not possible! Am I hallucinating from the venom?”

“Been saving all your questions up, huh?” Brandon looked at me, laughing softly again, his smile showing the deep dimples in his cheeks. “No, you aren’t hallucinating. You really did change shapes. The process of shifting most likely pushed the venom from your body and at the same time healed the worst of the damage it had done.”

“You’ve lost your mind and I’m hallucinating, or better yet, it’s all just a nightmare and I’ll wake up and it will be Friday morning.”

“Do your dreams ever hurt like the snake bite did? Mine don’t. You’re not hallucinating or having a nightmare, Nickie.”

“But it can’t be true - I must be going crazy…”

“Nope, not crazy, just Kitsune,” he said, interrupting my ranting.

“Kitsune?” I’d never heard the word before.

“Yep, Kitsune. We’re a species of shape shifters.”

“There’s an entire species of people who turn into dogs?”

“We’re not dogs, we’re wolves. But that’s not exactly what the Kitsune are. There are several different animal forms that different Kitsune can shift into, though, generally it’s limited to only one animal form per person. There are bears, cougars, fox, wolves. You’re a wolf, I’m a wolf, and there’s an entire pack of wolves in Gila Valley.”

“An entire pack of wolves around here? Now you’re the one who’s dreaming. I’ve never seen a real wolf before, at least until I was one, and I’ve lived here all my life.”

“Not real wolves, Nickie, Kitsune wolves, there’s a difference. Though, you should know, the accepted phrase is natural wolves, not real, because we’re just as real as they are.”

“Okay, not real wolves, natural wolves. How can there be an entire pack in the valley and nobody knows about it?”

“There are a lot of people who know about us, our pack members, but very, very few outside the pack. Our secret is well kept.”

“How did I become…Kitsune? Is that what you call it? I’ve never been bitten by a wolf, and I’m sure it’s not something I would forget.”

Brandon rolled his eyes. “There’s only one way to be Kitsune, you’re born one. Kitsune can only be born, there is no other way to become one of us. The biting thing is pure myth, Hollywood and fantasy novels.”

“News flash, Brandon, so are werewolves,” I couldn’t help but point out.

“Point,” he conceded. “You’re going to find that some movies and fantasy novels aren’t as make-believe as you thought. I know it’s hard to believe but I’m not lying to you. I wouldn’t do that and you know it,” he said calmly and I shifted in my seat, feeling guilty that I had suspected him of doing just that.

“You’re sure? I mean about the whole wolf thing?” I looked out the passenger window to avoid looking at him.

“Absolutely certain. Look, do you mind if we head back into town while we talk? While you were shifting, I called the Anikitos, our pack leader, and he’s expecting us. I’d prefer not to be late and risk angering him.”

“Do I have to?” The thought of meeting the leader of the local wolf pack made me nervous. I tried to think of everything I had ever read about werewolf packs and their leaders and nothing I was coming up with was reassuring.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. He’ll have a lot answers for you that I don’t. I may have been raised as one of us, but I’m still young, and honestly, not all that high in the pack. There’s a lot I just don’t know.”

“Okay, but you have to promise not to leave me alone. I don’t want you to just drop me off at some stranger’s house. I’m uncomfortable enough with everything that’s happening as it is, without being told what to believe by someone I don’t even know.”

“I’ll promise you, I won’t leave you alone with the Anikitos unless you want me to, all right? You may decide after meeting him that you don’t want me around.”

“I can’t see why, but if you say so I’ll take your word for it. You’ve done nothing but help me this afternoon. Thank you for that,” I said.

Brandon started the car and pulled out on to the highway that led back toward town.