Michaelishious - Vol. 2019

I'd been wandering through the park for a while now. Back and forth. Then back again. Some might say I was one of those creeps that lurked around after young girls, but I wasn't. I was just extremely thirsty. And maybe a little bit creepy, too.

I'd started right after darkness, because that's when I climbed out of my chamber. Figuratively and literally speaking. My bed was a coffin of polished mahogany wood, with deep red and incredibly soft silk upholstery. It was very comfortable, but unfortunately also pretty cramped in the long run. So I stretched like a cat and rubbed my eyes, before I put some extra effort into getting dressed in my new, black suit.

It was custom made by the best tailor in the state, and the jacket had sharply cut, puffed shoulders, extra long tail split and a collar that was so high that it covered my cheeks. Perfect to hide my fangs when I spotted a potential victim. Because I...

...was a vampire.

I put on my silk cape and black Oxford shoes, which were polished to shine even in the dim moonlight. Then I combed my black curls slick against my scalp all the way back to the neck, but I didn't look into the mirror. I never did. It captured souls, which was scary as hell. Only humans used those, and how they ignored the risk of having their souls shattered when the mirror broke, beats me. Maybe they were more fearless than me?

Pfff... Utter nonsense!

I was Nephilim Baudelaire; the most infamous and fearless vampire of this century. Nobody had seen me and survived for two reasons only. My disguise was complete perfection, and my moves were so smooth that I became invisible. Nevertheless, though people never saw me, everybody knew the legend. And everybody knew that if you were outside after midnight, you were at risk of being my next prey.

In the beginning, when I first discovered that I indeed was a vampire, I was ashamed. I mean, I'd always known that I wasn't like everyone else. While my friends were out playing at the beach in the summer, I was inside, hiding from the sun in the basement. They loved any kind of food, with lots of spices, onions and garlic, while I stuck to my tasteless tomato soup with extra macaroni in it. I mean, it was red... And don't you dare mention garlic!

Maybe the resemblance to blood should have given me a clue, but there were always excuses. Being nocturnal was practical since I was working night shifts, and being pale and light sensitive was a natural result of being indoors all day. It was first when I got the morbid need to drink blood, that I realized that there was something more to it. And tonight I was thirsty again.

I kept lurking in the bushes, hiding behind trees and statues, while I waited until the clock struck twelve. And it didn't take more than four minutes until I found her. She wasn't too tall, and definitely not skinny looking, but that was exactly how I liked them. Something solid to hold on to while I sunk my teeth into her and drank her blood. Well, not only my teeth, but she'd find out soon enough.

It was now or never.

She was walking together with her friends, but I frowned to myself when I counted three ladies instead of two. It was first when I jumped in front of them and opened my cape to reveal a bare chest and an even bearer groin, that I found out that she was the wrong victim.

"POLICE! HELP! WE'RE GETTING ASSAULTED!" they screamed, so loud that my ears hurt, and I instantly covered myself and started apologizing. Naturally we ran off in opposite directions, equally flustered, until I stopped under a large pine-tree to catch my breath and recollect some of my dignity. That didn't help much. Two other ladies had obviously witnessed the whole thing, and were laughing their asses off. But just as I was about to stomp off, one of them approached me and asked if I was okay.

"Uhh... Why wouldn't I be?"

The woman kept giggling, obviously not realizing that she was in great danger and about to face her fatal destiny.

"You're not lost or something?"

"What do you mean 'lost'?" I grumbled, quite annoyed at the whole situation. This did not start off well. If she was going to be my new victim, I'd most definitely lost my surprise moment. The wide, frightened eyes and the gasp before the scream, together with a body language that clearly showed the panic when she knew she was trapped. It was gone. Evaporated. All I could hope for was a similar reaction when she discovered my fangs while I strangled her.

"You know... You didn't escape from an institution somewhere?"

"I beg you a pardon?" I scoffed, and glared at her with disgust.

"How rude!"

But she just shrugged.

"Oh, well. As long as everything is okay."

Her friend had been standing in the background, but was now dismissed with a roll with her wrist, and I was confused as to why she didn't seem even the slightest intimidated by me.

"You're not afraid?" I asked, and squinted sideways at her.

"What's there to be scared of?"

I smirked devilishly and felt some of my old spirit return. Maybe I was lucky after all?

"Well... You could be approached by dangerous men with wicked intentions?" I suggested and stepped closer. She smelled good and her skin looked soft, and I took it all in while I spoke slowly with a deep voice.

"Men like you?" she giggled, and I pursed my lips at the minor insult. But I chose to ignore it. She would do for tonight.

"What's your name, lady?" I asked nonchalantly. I studied her different facial expressions over the bridge of my nose. She looked curious and teasing. If I didn't know any better, I'd even say she was flirtatious. But that must have been my imagination.

"Lindsay."

"Lindsay," I repeated absent-mindedly, as if I tried to taste the name to know if her blood was good. I liked it.

"Mhm."

We looked at each other and I decided to linger in the moment for as long as possible. But she stepped forward with an attitude that told me that I'd probably gotten more than I bargained for.

"And what's yours, Mr...?"

"Jaqués. Melchior Jaqués," I replied solemnly. At least I was polite enough to let her know who would murder her in a matter of minutes.

"Jaqués. Nice. I like it," she said and gave me a seductive stare. Then she bit her lip and stepped close enough to touch me, and a low growl erupted between my vocal chords when her finger landed on one of the buttons on my shirt and followed the seam down to the next. She kept our eyes locked while she lowered it even further, until the rest of the buttons disappeared into my jacket. Then she stopped and studied me for a moment.

"You look like an old fashioned Dracula."

Her statement came so spontaneously and was so accurate that I laughed out loud. I didn't mean to show my fangs yet. It just happened. But there it was. The dilation of the pupils. The slacked jaw and parted lips. The change of expression that gave me the thrill that set the game.

"Boo!" I said, and felt quite satisfied when she actually looked scared. She managed to remain calm and somewhat collected, but her flickering gaze and stumbling steps backwards told me she was freaking out on the inside.

"So... T-this is the part where I run off, screaming for help?" she stuttered. She swallowed her rising anxiety, but I had no difficulties hearing the trembling in her voice.

"If that's what you prefer," I smirked, and watched her take another step away from me. I followed calmly, ready to run after her when she took off. And boy, did she take off!

With a shrilling howl, she turned on her heels and fled down the path she and her friend came minutes earlier. But she was wearing heels, although not very tall, so I had no problems keeping up with her. I even taunted her by 'almost' grabbing her, and then let her run a bit further, until she suddenly stopped so abruptly that I crashed into her.

"What the...?" I groaned and rubbed my poor nose, which had taken the entire impact of the collision. But she held up a finger to make me wait, while she searched for something in her purse. A weapon?

"Uhm... A bag?" I asked, and wrinkled my nose together with a squint.

"Not just a bag!" she panted.

"Seeds!"

I was just about to chuckle, when she turned the tiny plastic bag upside down and dropped hundreds of sunflower seeds to the ground.

"Pick up!"

I just stared at her, then at the seeds and back at her, and I couldn't find a single reason why she was grinning so triumphantly.

"Ehh, no?"

"Ehh, yes! If you scatter a handful of seeds in the path of a vampire, he will be compelled to stop and count every seed."

I stared at her, wide-eyed and completely clueless. Then I leaned close to her to whisper a tiny digression.

"We're kind of in the middle of a chase of life and death here. Don't you think that's a bit unsexy?"

She shrugged.

"Perhaps, but that's what it says in the book."

"What book?"

"The big one about vampires," she exclaimed, and had the audacity to sound annoyed.

"Well, maybe it says so in the book, but that's a bit unfortunate in this situation, don't you think?"

"And you killing me and drinking my blood isn't unfortunate?"

I snapped my fingers to make her rewind a bit.

"Wrong order. I drink your blood, then kill you. The other way would have just been... Urgh."

I shuddered, and she gave me a blank face.

"And your point is?"

"That it makes me look like a vegan with OCD! I'm a horrendous vampire, lady. A murderer. I don't kneel in front of my victims to count seeds. That's a myth."

She thought for a moment, before she continued challenging me.

"Well, you're wrong. It would actually be very sexy. Especially if you undressed while you picked them up. I might even consider spanking you."

"No! I'm supposed to be the dominant here! Not you," I protested. I took a step closer to her, but instead of continuing to run, she put her hands on her hips and stood her ground.

"And when comes the scene where you fly off like a bat?"

My eyes widened in shock. What on earth was wrong with this woman?

"Fly?" I exclaimed. Then I gathered myself, and hissed the rest through my teeth.

"This is not in the script, Lindsay."

But she ignored me. Of course, she did.

"What? You don't have any super powers? All vampires have that."

I grumbled a whole tirade of words that should remain unmentioned, before I snapped back at her.

"Duh! Of course I have."

"Like...?" she pushed, and my eyes widened even more. How could she not understand? Not even when I gestured with my hands around my midsection, did she take the hint.

"Hello? My dick!"

What followed was awkward silence, and her trying desperately to figure out if I was serious or not. And when she found out that I was, she started laughing. Hysterically!

"Stop laughing! You're supposed to be scared!" I whined. I was about to lose my patience. But eventually, after about two whole and severely painful minutes of humiliation, she cleared her throat and managed to stay serious.

"Okay. So... I'm gonna run now."

"Finally!" I muttered, and jogged behind her while she continued her aimless escape with her arms flailing above her head. But it wasn't the same. The spunk was gone. So I just grabbed her arm and pulled her into the darkness underneath a large oak tree. People rarely came to this part of the park at night time, and I knew we'd be out of sight for those who passed by on the path. It was perfect to clench my thirst. But just as I pushed her up against the trunk and kissed up the warm, soft skin from her shoulder to her neck, she started giggling.

"What now?" I groaned, and let my arms drop with fatigue.

"You forgot to shave."

Oh. My. God. That's the reason?

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to shave when you don't have a mirror? Last time I ended up bleeding through three bandaids, and as much as I love blood, it's not that alluring when it's your own."

I pouted like a big child, and I think she felt a bit bad about it, because she actually tried to cheer me up.

"I told you you could have my pads last week," she cooed, but my mood was ruined.

"I don't want those bloody teabags!" I huffed, but she continued and added a kiss on my cheek.

"And I offered to cut straight to the source."

"I'm not eating you out while you're on your period, either."

She rolled her eyes and suddenly seemed exasperated.

"I'll collect some in a champagne glass then, if you're so damn uptight. Jeez."

I was done. So done.

"You're ruining things! Why are you always ruining things? This was supposed to be a dark, hot and scary story, but you keep going outside the script and add stuff that we agreed on leaving out."

"It's called improvising, Mike!"

"Not Mike. Tonight I'm Melchior Jaqués."

"You're Michael Jackson, and suck it up. This roleplay's getting old anyway."

She put her hands on her hips and squinted at me like she always did when she was angry.

"See? Ruined!" I yelled and stomped my foot like a toddler.

"You ruined everything! And these fangs..."

I spat out the cheap dentures that were supposed to look like vampire teeth. They frigging hurt.

"Great. Now my gums are sore, too," I whined.

"Oh, my poor, bad vampire. Let's go home and I'll cook you a nice meal. Maybe your favorite; tomato soup?"

She was actually not making fun of me anymore. Not as much, at least. She hooked her arm under mine and made me follow her in the direction of the parking lot where our car was.

"God, no! Do you know how tired I am of that damn soup?" I groaned.

"Oh, okay. What about the Ricotta dumplings your aunt use to make? I think I have the recipe."

"Yes, please."

I was still sulking like a professional drama queen, but had to admit that it was a good suggestion.

"You know there's garlic in those, right?"

"No comment," I mumbled.

"I still can't get over the fact that you didn't realize that it wasn't me."

I blushed when I remembered the poor women I mildly assaulted earlier.

"It's not my fault that I forgot how you were dressed!"

"Really? You couldn't tell the difference between hotpants and a red skirt?"

"But it looked like the costume you had last time!" I barked sourly.

"Whatever. They were three. Miranda and I were only two, which was the amount you were supposed to be looking for. But you? You just flashed your dick in front of a bunch of random women."

She was way too amused by this, and I just knew she would laugh about this for months.

"Shut up," I mumbled.

"And they clearly weren't having it."

She laughed louder and even snorted a couple of times, which made her lose it completely.

"Shut up!"

"They actually looked like they were about to throw hands."

It was almost impossible to hear what she was trying to say, but it didn't matter. I was still mad.

"Will you please...?!"

And she did, eventually. And the best part was...

She let me show her my true super power. Several times.