All the Feels

Books are oxygen for the literate. For me, there's no other way to breathe. Breathing comes naturally to living organisms. For a nerd with a perfect attendance record and zero friends, air fills my lungs, and words fill my head. I like filling my head with facts, opinions, and fanfiction. There's nothing better than reading Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings fanfics on a Friday night.

Most teenage girls enjoy friends, sleepovers, and boyfriends. I'm not like them. I'm preparing for the future, for college, and for myself. I don't have time to watch the world pass me by. And that's how it goes when you're at the top of your class. Being on top is lonely, but someone must be the strongest, best, and brightest.

The summer has one more lousy weekend. I'm not a fan of summer. My parents work, and we don't go on vacation. The last time we went on vacation, we got a flat tire, and mom yelled from inside the truck. Mom thought a murderer would destroy us all while dad and I changed the tire in the rain.

The rain was falling sideways that day. On summer nights, when the rain falls on its side, I think of dad and how he taught me to change a tire. Mom's yelling is hilarious in retrospect, but at the time, it made me nervous. Her yelling made me never want to go on a family vacation ever again. That was five years ago.

To make up for our lack of vacation rentals, my parents bought us a membership to the neighborhood pool. So, I go every day, by myself. I sit on the side of the pool and read. I read romance novels mostly during the summer. Studying is important too. I'm going to be a senior this fall. I haven't been kissed yet. But it doesn't bother me.

I know that the man I kiss will be the man I say "I do" to. My wedding day will be simple and elegant when the time comes. I'm a sucker for romance novels but having a boyfriend in real life doesn't suit me at all.

Romance novels are enough flirting and kissing for me. My all-time favorite romance book is The Kissing Booth. My mother says it's 'below my intelligence.' What can I say? I'm a sucker for kissing and handholding.

Today is the last nice day of summer. I'm looking forward to eraser shavings covering my hands and the endless homework assignments that keep me busy when I come home to an empty house. Everything in that house is empty at night. I like living in the shadows.

'And they all lived happily ever after...the end.'

Another book read from my summer romance reading list. I've read 43 romance novels this summer. Then there's the list of English Lit novels I had to read over the summer. I finished all five of those in the first three days of summer break.

"What are you reading there, Train Tracks?" Kelly Lavender asks.

"My name is Lily...not Train Tracks."

Train Tracks is a lovely nickname the school has blessed me with since my sophomore year. It's a reference to the braces that will never get removed from my mouth. No one wants to kiss a face like mine, and why would they want to? But, when I go off to college in a year, my braces will be removed, and I'll feel like myself again.

Vanity doesn't matter to me. When they call me Cage Face or Train Tracks, I'm reminded of their insecurities, not mine. It's not my fault high school is an episode of Survivor.

When the zombies come crawling for their brains, I will be the last human to remember history. I'm excited to be an oracle and pass down history through oral tradition. You're welcome, peasants. You'll be glad I read it all then.

"I don't care what your name is, really," Kelly says as she rips my romance novel from my hands.

"Give that back. That's my favorite novel."

Kelly moves her arms in all directions keeping my novel from me. Her minions, Alexa, and Tia, watch with giggles flying from their asses.

"I don't think I will. You're gonna have to fight me for it," Kelly teases.

I get up from the lawn chair, and as I do, Tia and Alexa hold me back by both of my arms. Their horseplaying is humiliating and uncalled for.

"You're pathetic. Tell you what, I'm gonna do Train Tracks. I'm going to rip this nerdy shit novel in half."

"Don't...do...that!" I beg.

Kelly rips The Kissing Booth novel in half and tosses both halves into opposite ends of the pool.

"Oh...my bad! It looks like the Titanic hit an iceberg. Better watch it, Lily...or you're next."

Alexa and Tia let go of my arms and push me into the pool. From under the water, I see their three ugly shadows move back and forth. I get out of the water.

"How refreshing. You really should come in and join me, girls."

I don't give the KAT trio the satisfaction of getting to me. Kelly rolls her eyes and leads Alexa and Tia away from the pool. I've stopped wondering where the lifeguard is. I'm always picked on during adult swim. Adult swim is when the lifeguard goes away, and the bitches come to play.

An older gentleman fishes out my novel for me. He hands me my soaked copy of The Kissing Booth. It's split in two and destroyed. Perfect....just perfect.

"Sorry, I didn't stop them. I thought you were playing a game. Until those ugly girls pushed you in, here you can have my book. It's not a romance book; it's The History of Pirates. You might like the chapter on Anne Bonny and Calico Jack."

"Thanks, I think I'll take you up on that. My name's Lily."

"I'm Mr. Davis. Do you go to Ashmore high?"

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

"My son goes there. He'll be a senior this year. His name is Jeremy Davis," Mr. Davis says.

"I don't have friends. I'm afraid I don't know who that is. Thanks again for the book."

"No problem. You take care, and don't let those wenches get you down."

"I'll try to remember that."

I head back to the spot I was originally sitting at before the KAT Trio destroyed my book. I need a new place to read my books. Those girls always find me.

My clothes are soaked. I'm wet down to my underwear. I never go into the pool. My parents only got the membership to get me out of the house. It's worked so far, but the KAT trio has ruined my life at the pool enough this summer. I'm glad it's coming to an end.

Luckily mother forces me to bring a towel with me whenever I come here. So, I dry off and take The History of Pirates book with me. On my way home, I stop by the Lending Library.

Our neighborhood has been blessed with a wonderful treasure, the Lending Library. It's the most sacred of treasures for a reader like me. The idea is, I read a book, and when I'm finished, I return it to the Lending Library for someone else to read. The Lending Library is a large bookshelf that stands on a post. It resembles a mailbox.

I open the doors to the large bookshelf. To my disappointment, there are no books in here today. I put The History of Pirates in the Lending Library. Something tells me it belongs here. I double-check the library, and as I do, I find a crumpled-up piece of lined paper.

As I open it, the words on the paper speak to me, they say:

Help. I want to die!

-J. D

My lips quiver as I reread the note repeatedly. I've always counted on the Lending Library to give me wisdom, but it gave me a message today. A message in which someone is crying for help, and I must respond in kind.