Prologue
We've been best friends since first grade when we sat next to each other in class, together ever since. I started to notice she thought a little differently than what was expected. When middle school started people started crushing and dating. The girls were expected to talk about boys and boys to talk about girls. I didn't get why it was one for each, what about both? Naomi never talked about boys, or girls, nothing about dating, saying she was too young to think about that. But I was, just not the same way people thought, when I got home one day after thinking about it all, I asked my mom and dad.
"Why do girls date boys, and boys date girls? Is it weird to date the opposite?"
Lucky for me my parents are very accepting people, they smiled at me.
"No hun, that's not weird at all, boys can like boys and girls can like girls, as long as you love them it doesn't matter." My mom says to me, my dad nods to agree.
"What about both?" I ask curious now, that maybe I am still normal.
"Of course, gives you more options!" My dad says with a big smile, and I smile back.
The next day I told Naomi what they said, she froze in place and looked at me wide-eyed.
"Sure, some people do I guess," She looked uncomfortable and wouldn't look at me, "but, you're not right?"
The way she looked at me made me nervous, I didn't want my best friend to not like me, so I shook my head and quickly tried to back-track.
"Oh, no not me, didn't mean me, just asked about it and found it odd." I laugh nervously, she nods, and we never spoke of dating again.
Until one weekend, one night, freshman year. Naomi was sleeping over, we had sleep overs a lot. I always said she could share the bed but she always insisted on a sleeping bag on the floor. We were in the living room watching a movie, sound low and subtitles on because my parents were sleeping upstairs. In separate rooms though, they had just divorced but haven't moved out until they each decided to find a new place, so dad took the guest room for now.
The room was quiet with the low volume. The couch wasn't that big, Naomi was only a seat away from me and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I've known I was bisexual since middle school but never came out for the fear of losing Naomi, especially when I realized my crush on her a couple months ago. I tried to ignore it and tell myself she would never but I couldn't help it.
I had a lot of courage this night, I don't know why, maybe the internalized gay in me had enough. I looked at her, the soft light from the TV glowing on her face, the rest of the lights were off. I moved my hand towards hers and touched it lightly, she jumped a little surprised but didn't move her hand.
I couldn't hold it back anymore, I went for a kiss, I stopped a breath away from her lips, letting her decide the rest, not going to force myself on her. It was still for a moment while I could feel her breath on my lips and I went to pull back, mortified at how she might think of me now.
But to my surprised she put a hand on my cheek and leaned in, and our lips touched. We were still for a second and then I parted my lips and she did too. We were kissing. I couldn't believe it, I was so afraid and she felt the same way, but then she suddenly pulled back, Naomi got up and quickly backed away.
"That was a mistake, I'm sorry." She said as she turned and left, I got up to stop her but she started walking home since she's a ten minute walk, and when I got outside she told me to let her be.
I did.
And after 30 minutes of pure stress I got a text from her, I excitedly went to look and my face fell, my heart broke, I shattered.
Naomi: I'm sorry, that was a mistake, I'm not like 'that' and can't be friends with you thinking we can be that. This never happened
When I went to respond I realized she blocked me. Just like that everything that was us was gone.
