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♡︎ olivia w ♡︎

1 capítulos leídos

18 de abr. de 2021

Beautiful story with great promise!

"I just wanted to congratulate the author for a beautiful story so far, I’m looking forward to more chapters! Maybe consider revising a few chapters to get punctuation right, grammar is on point and perfect though. The characters are lovable and plot so far is great, I can see where this is going. One more thing, a few times you have repeated a few words in the same chapter again and again, so maybe you could go online to find a few more synonyms? This could also help structure some good vocabulary for future chapters. Overall I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys fantasy or a little empathy, or just people who want a light hearted read! Good job to the author and good luck! ❤️❤️❤️"

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C Sinful Writer

1 capítulos leídos

14 de ene. de 2021

Loved this story.

"The writing is beautiful; I am going to add this to my reading list. I love how I can feel the emotions in this book. The dialogue is done well. The characters sound like humans—just overall amazing. "

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Sofia Corsi

6 capítulos leídos

13 de ene. de 2021

Revolutionary

"I can feel a revolution coming in later chapters, and I love that! I hate unjust or corrupt systems or governments in stories, and I can't wait to find out what happens. Your main character is excellent. You manage to portray her isolation without actually saying it, showing rather than telling. She has hardly any friends and is distanced from her father. I'm interested to see where her relationship with her father goes. I also love how headstrong she is, she's brilliant! Also of course there are only a few chapters, but I'm so full of questions! What does the tattoo mean, and how did it even happen? Who was that strange man from the dream? And why does her father want to meet with her? Keep writing, your amazing! Sofia"

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Amina Hazim

1 capítulos leídos

13 de ene. de 2021

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"Wow, I was hooked from the start. A great story for a first time writer. I read your book till the sixth chapter and can't wait for more. As far as I read there was not much grammar error in your book just a few spelling mistakes here and there, but that is all. I would recommend you to use the Grammarly app. That will help you greatly in your writing. Other than that a unique plot and the book has great potential to grow even more. Keep writing. "

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Silver Taurus

1 capítulos leídos

30 de nov. de 2020

Interesting Beginning

"I had to admit this story has long paragraphs. the Story is really descriptive and brings you into that world. the author took it's time trying to creeate a story like this. Overall good, it captures you since the first chapter. Hope to see more development and more twists. This story has potential. My only suggetsion would be maybe a bit more of dialogue? Keep it up XX"

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Diya

2 capítulos leídos

24 de nov. de 2020

Incredible story

"I loved everything, from the plot to the plot style everything is amazing 🤩 I especially enjoy all the descriptions and colourful language. I love your story and hope you keep going! , Lots of love, xoxo Diya"

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Brooke

0 capítulos leídos

21 de nov. de 2020

What do I put here?

"Well the overall plot was very enticing and the description was very precise. This helped me make a accurate picture in my head. It also helps the reader feel like they are a part of the story. The grammar was very good but there were some words that might have been autocorrected by accident. It after looking at every aspect of the first chapter I have to say wel done!"

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Elé Aly

4 capítulos leídos

19 de abr. de 2021

Good twist!

"It's just the beginning, so I know a lot of cool stuff is incoming. There's a very catchy twist right at the beginning, so it was easy to want to read more. Grammar did hurt the style a bit. A good editor will help clean that up, and we'll be able to see the world a bit better. Great first shot at a story. I can tell it's going to be a lot of fun, and I really hope you keep going!"

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Mike199

2 capítulos leídos

12 de ene. de 2021

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"Too short. The way the story was progressing, you could have easily added another 6-8 chapters and created an even bigger world. Plus, I'd have liked to see more dialogue doing the describing than just the narration. Otherwise, this was a nice story. The main character is compelling, you did a fantastic job relaying the harshness of her world, and you can paint a pretty picture with words. I never had problems reading the story and imagining what type of world these people dwell in. Very well done. Some more chapters, and a few less run-on paragraphs, you could have a killer full sized novel on your hands"

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shezz

0 capítulos leídos

23 de nov. de 2020

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"I loved your story so far. It's interesting. Your writing style is very descriptive and vivid. I was able to imagine what's going on.Great work 👏👏"

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Holly Honderd

3 capítulos leídos

22 de nov. de 2020

Thee first three chapters...

"It was a good story overall, I would love to read to the end. There were punctuation issues and a lot of run-on sentences, but it will flow nicely when that is cleaned up. I liked the description of the marble and how it was sucked into her."

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