Snippets
Georgie
Age 10
“Georgie Lou! Where are you?” My mama laughs as she gets close to me.
Her pretty eyes are shining in the sun and her long dress makes her look like a fairytale princess.
I try to hold in the giggles but I’m having too much fun, “I’m here mama!” I laugh as I stake out the area from behind a tool shed.
Looking out into the field the sun is shining, birds are chirping, and bees are buzzing. The scent of wildflowers and grass drifts on the breeze.
When my mom sees me she playfully gives chase, “Oh, when I catch you I’m gonna tickle you so good.”
I run through the field squealing and giggling, playing with my mom is one of my favorite things to do. Meandering between the tall grass I get a bit sidetracked, but when I realize it’s taking too long for Mom to catch up I turn around.
I can’t see her anywhere so I shout, “Mama! Don’t hide!”
She doesn’t make a sound so I slowly creep back through the grass trying to get to her before she jumps out to scare me.
As soon as I see her on the ground I’m not sure what to do so I run up closer calling her name, “Mama! Mama…”
She is lying on the ground in the tall grass, her eyes are open but she isn’t moving, “MAMA!”
Five Years Later
“Georgie!” my father howls up the stairs.
I run into the closet in my bedroom, close the door, and secure it with a hanger. Once I’m tucked into the dark corner as far as I can go I let out a deep breath to calm myself.
“Girl! Don’t make me hunt for you, it’s going to be so much worse if you piss me off!” Dad shouts as he makes his way down the hall.
My body trembles so I hold my knees to my chest to calm myself. My breath is too loud but I don’t know how to keep it quiet. The last time Daddy was like this he whelped up my back with his belt, but this is so much worse. I should have figured he’d find out about me messing around with boys. Someone he works with told him they saw me out at the bar dancing on tables.
It’s true, I shouldn’t have been there or gotten a fake ID but I was desperate to find somewhere to escape my life. Ever since my mother suddenly passed away things have gotten worse and worse. I’m scared to come home. I never thought I’d feel that way but without my mama, Daddy just isn’t the same.
My bedroom door bangs open and hits the wall with a loud thud, I hear heavy footsteps stomp into my room so I hold my breath. My throat burns with the force of it, my body wants to breathe so badly but I know if I do I’m going to get the switch or something worse.
“Georgie! Where are you, girl? You think you can run around town making me look like a fool, well you’ve got another thing coming,” Daddy says in a low menacing tone as he stomps around my room.
I watch through the slats in the door as he checks the window and under the bed. I’m so scared that a whimper comes out of my mouth so I clasp my hands over my lips but it’s too late, my father swings the door open and breaks the hanger in half in one go.
“Daddy! I’m sorry!”
“It’s too late for apologies girl,” he grabs my arm and hauls me up to my feet before bracing it with his hand and then takes the cigarette out of his mouth, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”
2 Years Later
I’ve been helping my best friend Tressa move all day, we’ve had a blast running through the sprinklers and playing with her dog more than moving, but we’ve done all the important things we have to do too.
“Oh my gosh girly, are you so excited?” Tressa asks as she pulls a new top on over her head.
“Hah, yeah I am, I have to admit I’m a little nervous,” instinctively I reach for the spot on my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you can handle it,” she smiles brightly before turning to look at herself in the mirror.
Tonight I’m finally turning eighteen. As stupid as it sounds, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this. I feel like now I can finally break free of the ties binding me to the pain from my past. Starting over again with my bestie by my side feels doable. Now that we’ve moved her things she is officially a permanent resident of Holt and that makes me really happy.
Tressa is going to take me to the tattoo parlor as soon as the clock strikes midnight. I’ve been thinking long and hard about what type of tattoo to get. I’m excited because if it’s done right, for the first time in years, I’ll be able to wear short sleeves again. Ever since my father burned up my arm with his cigarette I’ve hidden the wounds from everyone.
He wouldn’t let me go to a doctor and it was infected at one point, now I have a few nasty-looking scars. I’ve been saving my pennies to get a tattoo to cover it up but that also means I’m going to have to show my scars to not only the tattoo artist but Tressa as well.
I hope she understands why I didn’t tell her before, part of me thought she would feel bad since she is the one who convinced me to go to the bar that night in the first place.
“Not gonna lie, I’m super excited to see what you’re going to get,” Tressa smiles as she looks at her stomach in the mirror like she’s picturing a tattoo on it.
“I think I know already,” I admit.
“Are you gonna share?” She turns around flipping her long brown hair, and gives me bright excited eyes.
“A dragon, a big one, like on my whole arm,” I run my hand over my t-shirt sleeve.
“Whoa,” Tressa gapes.
“Just black line art, I don’t want to get something super colorful because I don’t know how I’ll feel about it in a few years, but I think I’d be proud to have a dragon no matter what.”
“Is there a reason?” She reaches for my hand as if she’s sensing my change in mood.
“To remind me that I’m fearless,” I whisper.
I need something there besides those scars. Something to remind me that even without my mama I can be something great. I don’t have to stay in this small town wilting away. I can go out and bloom if I want to and I’ll have a fierce dragon on my shoulder to be sure I keep my head right.
“Georgie?”
“It’s just…,” I let out a big sigh, “Tressa I have to show you something.”
“You’re scaring me,” her face twists.
I’m not even sure what to say so I lift the sleeve of my shirt to reveal my scars.
“Georgie, does it hurt? What happened?” Tressa exclaims when she sees the dark bumpy patterns marring my light skin.
“It doesn’t matter, “ I shove the sleeve down to cover the scar, “It’s not going to happen again, and now that I’m old enough to get a tattoo I don’t have to look at this anymore,” I meet her eyes to show her that I’m alright.
Tressa already knows I’ve got secrets, she has her own too, so instead of digging in she gives me a soft smile and says, “I’m here for you, okay?”
“Thank you, Tressa.”
As she hugs me I feel a bit bad for not telling her everything but I don’t want to tell her about my father. There is no reason to have everyone in town hating him for what I’ve done. It’s my fault this happened, he wouldn’t have had to hurt me so much if I had just been a good girl.
Four Years Later
Once I turned eighteen, things at home just kept getting worse to the point that there was no reason to stay around my father. I managed to get a loan to go to cosmetology school. After I got my certificates I got a job at the nicest salon in town. I don’t know if that’s saying a lot considering that Holt is a podunk and there is only one salon.
I still see Tressa but our relationship has become a bit strained because I’m still not as honest with her as I should be. She has her own worries and I don’t want to pile on. Having to talk around everything has made it hard to feel close.
The only other person I see often is my boyfriend Ronny. He helped me get out of my father’s clutches. I still have to see my daddy once a month to pay him for my car. Things with Ronny are okay but they were better before the drugs.
The door of the trailer opens and slams so hard against the wall that the entire place shakes a little, “I’m back,” Ronny says in a muffled tone.
He only opens the door like that when he’s angry, “Hi, bad day?” I smile to disarm him.
“More of the same,” he huffs as he plops down on the old ratty orange couch.
That couch is so ugly, just another thing to hate about my living arrangement, “Does that mean…?” I start to ask but can’t bring myself to finish the question.
“What? Go ahead and say it,” Ronny sighs crossing his arms defensively over his chest, “I’m a disappointment who can’t hold down a job.”
“Ron, I didn’t mean…”
He cuts me off to say, “I fucked up again.”
“Dammit Ronny! What am I supposed to do with this?” I shout because the frustration I feel is too much to contain.
“It’s too tough to quit, I tried,” he gives me a pitiful look.
“You tried? You tried for three days!” I continue yelling at him as I toss things around the kitchen.
He’s tossed the place more times than I can count and I always clean it up, seems like my time so I pick up a glass and huck it against the wall to relieve all my pent-up frustration.
“You know addiction is a disease…,” he gives me those eyes, the same stupid eyes I fell for.
“I know Ronny, for heaven’s sake I know, I’m the one who took you to those meetings. But they don’t tell you that so you can use it as an excuse… you have to keep going to meetings.”
“I’m sick Georgie,” he pouts at me.
“I know and I want to help you but… I can’t keep doing this on my own. Cutting hair at the salon is barely keeping us fed and my father is about to collect…”
“I’m sorry cutie,” he smiles softly.
He reaches his arms out toward me and I walk into them. I don’t know how much longer I can do this but there is something about Ronny, he just knows how to calm me down.
I’m shocked when being in his arms doesn’t provide comfort, I don’t feel safe the way I did in the beginning. Part of me wonders if Ronny would go far enough to physically hurt me, he’s made it a point to prove he doesn’t care about my emotions. The way my body is reacting to his touch should be a warning sign but I don’t know where to turn.
