Obsidian Desires

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

🎵You're the only one... I've ever known

That makes me feel this way, couldn't on my own

I wanna be with you until we're old

You've got the love you need right in front of you

Please come home...🎵

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

If you had asked me three years ago what love looked like, I might have described something pure—a warm presence that promised safety and trust. I believed in friendship, in laughter shared under soft light, in the comfort of a steady hand. I never imagined that love could betray you.

Let alone break you.

I wouldn't have thought of Ansel.

Zavien and Ansel. Two names that have shaped my life in ways I never expected and ways I still struggle to understand.

Zavien Amato had been in my life for as long as I can remember. He was the boy who sat next to me in kindergarten, who carried my books when my hands were too full, who stayed late into the night as we pored over textbooks until exhaustion blurred our vision, and who distracted me with food, music, and laughter. If I had to name the one person who made the world feel a little less cruel, it would be him.

He looked like he was carved from a Renaissance painting—sharp jawline, high cheekbones, and mesmerizing ocean-blue eyes that softened whenever he looked my way.

Let's just say his Italian genes were on point. His black hair was always a bit wild, as if he'd just run his fingers through it in a moment of distraction, and his body, honed by years of being the football team captain, exuded a quiet, reassuring strength. He calculated each and every step.

Girls couldn't help but stare when he walked past. I never resented that; he was simply Zavien—my best friend, my study partner, my constant.

Then there was Ansel Laurent.

Ansel was a storm.

Where Zavien was steady and kind, Ansel was chaos—loud, reckless, impossible to ignore. I guess being the star quarterback does that to a person. He strode into every room as if it were his stage, soaking up every bit of admiration. He was all golden skin and easy smiles, his confidence as effortless as the designer labels he wore.

I once believed that his attention was something to be proud of. I naïvely thought that his playful smirks and lingering glances were simply signs of a rare kind of love.

But now I know better.

I remember the subtle chill that crept over me during those moments—fleeting warnings that I was being claimed, not cherished. The allure of his charm led me down a dark road. In the haze of his obsession, I found myself isolated from those who once cared for me. I left behind friends who tried to hold onto my light.

Only Zavien stayed... who silently wept for the girl I used to be.

I was tall... taller than the rest of the girls, I was never what boys like Ansel chased. Maybe that was the cue I couldn't understand. My long limbs and broad shoulders had always set me apart, and my mother's biting words about my weight echoed through every corner of my mind. "You'll never be wanted like that," she would say, her disdain carving deeper scars than any of her physical blows ever did.

I wonder now, in the stillness of my memories, what she would have said if she'd known the depths of Ansel's hunger. He did want me—wanted to possess me in a way that twisted love into something unrecognizable.

And in my desperate need to believe in that illusion, I made a mistake. A big mistake that broke me, that shattered my soul, stripped away the light and left behind a shadow I carry to this day.

A mistake that would change everything.

For a long time, I lost myself in these memories, each one a whisper of who I once was.

Then, as if the world itself needed to remind me that life moves on, a sudden knock at my door pulled me back, just as the familiar strains of a song filled the room. It wrenched me from the darkness of my past.

I blinked, momentarily disoriented as I struggled to merge the weight of my memories with the present.

🎵'He broke your heart

He took your soul

You're hurt inside

'Cause there's a hole

You need some time

to be alone

Then you will find

What you've always known

I'm the one who really loves ya, baby

I've been knockin' at your door

As long as I'm livin'

I'll be waitin'

As long as I'm breathin'

I'll be there

Whenever you call me

I'll be waitin'

Whenever you need me

I'll be there'🎵

I reached for my phone and paused the song, its soft refrain—"as long as I'm breathin', I'll be there"—whispering promises of unconditional care and safety.

The music carried me back to times when Zavien's gentle presence had been my sanctuary. I closed my eyes, wondering if he still thought about me, if that same promise still echoed in his heart.

In that brief instant, the distant hum of life, the soft murmur of voices from the hallway, the clink of something in the kitchen, reminded me that while my soul was scarred, I still had to face today.

I took a steadying breath, each heartbeat urging me to reconcile the shattered girl I once was... with the woman forced to survive the aftermath of a love that never should have been.