What is your opinion?
Edge of Humanity
"So I will admit that I never got on board with the vampire craze Twilight started. That being said, I really enjoyed reading this (I did have to look up what flashing was. I assumed it was some form of teleporting/moving ridiculously fast, but just wanted to be sure. The dialogue is believable and even with the jumping time periods in the book, it was fairly easy to follow. Clay is a dynamic and interesting character. The one thing I loved the most about "Edge" was the way you developed the relationship between Hope and Clay. I like how you didn't have them fall head over heels in love with each other and kept the story mostly about Clay struggling with his humanity. Great Job :)"
cool story
"I like your story very much. Firstly, I think you JUST write a vampire story, but after I read this 7 chapter, I think you gave us more experience... 1. your time frame -future-past-present-past-present and I don't know what next, it really made me as readers felt no boring at all... 2. The theories about vampire, like vampire does get older but the time is different like hope said(if is true) and some vampire can't walk through the sunlight but he can, and you owe us the explanation of course... 3. The BIG question about : how can he survive the sunlight? how can Hope's mother know about vampire and the theories? When Clay met Rachel? Is Clay had a feelings through Rachel? But why I felt like Clay also put some interest to Hope.. And where's Edna? I thought Clay was crazy in love with her.. you just made us so curious about that... 4. The character... I love Clay whose kind inside but cold outside.. I love how he's trying to kept some distance with human when he's heart not.. I love how you gave us a conflict inside Clay's head. I also love how Hope's didn't look like some pathetic girl or shy girl but she looks smart and brave.. I actually doesn't like shy girl who met vampire and her life is just depend on the vampire.. 5. Different experience story.,. I love that the main character interest in each other because of they curious about each other.. I mean, I'm actually doesn't like that the vampire loved human because they blood sweet or because the girl has the same face with someone they loved before... So, I'm sorry if my grammar is not good enough, but I love your story, you just brought us (the readers) a fresh experience in vampire love story... I also hope you answered all the BIG question in your story and I just can't wait to see your next chapter... GOOD JOB! GOOD LUCK! keep writing and keep updating!"
COOL
"You really are talented writer, how long did you observe (or watch) about vampire things? I think you just brought us new knowledge about vampire that no writers has mentioned (as I know) like vampire can get older but the time is a bit longer than ordinary people(?) if Hope's theory was right, haha.. I also like it when your time frame is past - present - past(?)- present , it makes me or maybe others not boring and just excited to know what happened... I just wondering why Hope's mother know about vampire? and why Clay can stand in sunlight when he noticed that some vampire can walk through the sunlight? and why Clay interested in Hope? Did Hope has a sweet blood like vampire manga untouchable or orange marmalade or twilight? Did Hope has a doppleganger (I don't know how to write it) like Elena in TVD? or he just curious about the fact that these girl know about vampire... Another question is... where's Edna? As I know that Clay loves Edna... So where she is now? I'm so curious and can't wait to see your update soonest.... GOOD LUCK and FIGHTING!!!"
Good beginning
"I only read the first chapter so far, but I hope to read more soon. (Just so you know, I would classify this as supernatural. I think it would do well in the contest.) I liked how you incorporated the music lyrics into the story -- it helped to give a good look at the main character and some of his hidden scars. Plot-wise, I'm not sure where it is going so far, but I like it. The reason that I marked it down was because of some spelling and grammatical errors. It was quite enjoyable. Hope this helps. Keep writing! :)"
Unique Take on Vampires
"Thank God it's not one of those "I-fell-in-love-with-a-vampire" novel! I was honestly getting tired of those! The beauty of this book comes from the duality of humanity wherein there are primal instincts and there's the human understanding of emotions and social constructs. What I liked about Clay as he was written was how well the writer balanced him between the line of good and evil; monster and human. I also like how the conflict within himself was depicted - he showed that he hated being kind (or what he defined as being human) but also ironically stopped himself from being a monster. It was a good read and I can't wait to see what happens at the end of the book."
It was interesting!
"I really liked your story. It kept me at the very edge of my chair, throughout the chapters. It had a kind of Vampire Diaries feel to it, and I don't really know why. Maybe, because of the bar thing and the kind of darkish atmosphere. I really enjoyed it nonetheless. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story, Especially, about Edna, who is plotting against Clay, how does Hope's mother know about Vampires. Basically, you have an amazing plot. I loved how you set it such a way so that it keeps oscillating between the past and the present. Even though it gets confusing at times, it can always get better with a little editing. Your grammatical skills are really good, again, a little editing wouldn't harm. Overall, it was a nice read and I would surely love to read the rest of the book."
Edge of Humanity
"It's an interesting read, Kei really delves into the vampire archetype with a broad level of knowledge on the subject. Clay and Hope are compelling, thought provoking characters, and I'm curious to see how their relationship with continue to develop. The past and present jumping is a great unique idea that helps build the story well. The writing is good for English not being the first language of the writer, and with the help of an English editor the rough patches could easily be cleaned up. Good job!"
Another Good Vampire Story
"So here I go, I love vampire stories and though Twilight seems to have taken to daylight I'm not a fan (I'm one of those 'Vampires do not sparkle' people!) I love where the story is going so far though just started reading, there's a few chances that needs to be made; mostly conserving future/past/present tenses. But nothing that hinders the story's plot and story telling. I like that you make references to songs as well!"
Quick Review (for now)
"Hi...I told you I would review... Ok first things first, Title. You have created an interesting title that grabs us. Summary: Very interesting...I don't see vampires that bad....but the summary teaches us something interesting. It grabs us in. Prologue: I think the prologue is very good...except for the fact that it feels like it's part of Chapter One, or could be a chapter by itself! So, I personally would cut the prologue! -First bolding part. I think it should rhyme to make it more powerful. Chapter One is well done...it's a smooth read. So overall,,,you have a great story."
Difficult to Get Through
"I'm a HUGE vampire lover so of course I was naturally interested in reading your story, but it fell a little short for me in terms of execution. The grammar through me off a lot in the first few chapters. I read that English is not your first language so I guess a lot of that is understandable, but also the random song lyrics being tossed in to the middle of the action was extremely jarring. I used to do that too with a lot of my old stories. I used to write while listening to music so I would throw song lyrics into my writing because I thought it would spice up the story; it doesn't. It actually takes people out of it especially when it's overused and doesn't add to the focus of the story. Using one song lyric throughout the story might be a stronger way to go. Also, with the jumping back and forth between past and present tense, I got a little lost. I wasn't sure when or where things happened in your story. Also your teaser didn't give much away so it became even more difficult to get through because I wasn't sure what the main conflict was or the purpose/ intent of your main character was. And I always feel like, and this is just me, when writing vampire stories it's a good thing to add your own twist on to the mythology. From yours, your main character sounds like every other vampire I've ever heard. He can compel people (Aiden from "Being Human"), he can survive in sunlight (Edward from "Twilight"), he's also a bit of an assassin, (Blade from "Blade"). I know you said the prologue was about two years old, I think you can revisit this now and punch it up a bit more. Good luck!"
Not bad at all
"I read the first chapter, and must say your English isn't so bad at all, though some sentences should be reconstructed to make it flow easier such as "Memories are never easily fade" Rewrite it as "Memories never fade easily" And there you go. Another place I could find something you could consider to fix is "The lady come back in a minute with my coffee..." change to either "The lady came back within a minute with my coffee" or "Within a minute the lady came carrying my coffee." Again just to make it read easier. I haven't read so far into it yet (Ch1. only), but I hope it is as good as it started and you have build on the first chapter forward to pull more readers. Will re-review once I've read more. Until then - Good Luck!"
