What is your opinion?
ITS A STORY THAT MAKES U QUESTION N QUESTION
"It’s certainly refreshing to read thriller n mystery related story (i rarely read these 😅) that is able to maintain & heighten my curiosity in each chapter! I love the relationship and bond Maria has with her father n mother! It’s very cute & soothing in the context of a bleak story. Furthermore, I like how you’re able to tell a tale regarding sexual abuse & its impacts a lot of people wouldn’t be able to. Keep on writing!!:)"
Torn Paper
"I liked you story! I was hooked the whole time! I do have some comments though. When a character is speaking, what they say should be in a separate paragraph. Don't have any other sentence with the dialogue. Otherwise, good book!"
Torn Paper
"Your plot had me hooked! I just wish that I knew a little more about your characters. It seemed very rushed and short. That may have been the intention, but overall, it was really good. There were little to no grammar mistakes! Keep writing and best wishes!"
Oh my
"What a sad little tale. I havent noticed any grammatical errors as I was reading. But I have to admit I was more focused on what was going to happen to Maria and her father next. Keep going! :)"
WOW!
"Wow! This gave me goldfish syndrome. My mouth was hanging open in shock throughout. Brilliant writing, suspenseful story and I adore the narrative voice - darkly comical and innocently creepy. Children, as always, are the most terrifying storytellers. This is brilliant!"
Deserves the Attention
"Torn Paper was nothing like I expected! It got me hooked from the summary! I love how you describe little to nothing about the scene, but you make it enough for everyone to get it. The overall story was so unique, being set from little girl who understands very little. It really shows what she's going through. This deserves to be out there!"
Astonishing
"Your writing style never failed to impress me. It's very addictive and intoxicating. It render me speechless. There is no word to appraise your work, it's that stunning. This story bind you till the end, which is not a surprise, but seriously, a greatest accomplishment for any writer. The emotions are very well explained. My heart soared at many occasions for that little girl. The vulnerability of the character is depicted very vividly, duly appreciative. I can see your stories as a, critically acclaimed short stories. I personally looked for inspirations out of our work, No lie, mother swear. Looking forward for more. Love u dear!! May all ur dreams come true."
The best
"The most awesome thing in the story is the thrill. It can make anyone read more and more. when the story was ended, I really felt like why this story ended. It is the most awesome story. I don't have any other words to express my feelings for the story"
loved it
"loved it loved it loved it soooooooooooo muchhh"
Thrilling and Wanting More!
"This story was truly thrilling! I Loved it! I loved it so much that right in the middle of the second chapter I didn’t want it to end! I wanted to envision more scenes. I love how you brought in a new character and you stuck with the sense of him protecting his child. No matter what. There was very few grammer mistakes. Very small amount. Otherwise, I loved it and didn’t want it to end! I would love to see more, quite honestly. You could even make a before book of Maria’s mother and the family together. What went on there and what happened. Maybe there were other things that had been done to protect Maria then as well. It was very well done! Good job my friend!❤️📖 Cannot wait you see what you do next!"
Fantastic!
"Omg! This is just wow! I haven't read anything like this before. I know how hard it is to write from a child's perspective, I say this from personal experience but oh, my, you nail It! I love the expression of emotions in this, it feels so real. Please write more. I am definitely your number 1 fan!"
Deserves more than 5-stars
"I am truly astounded. I was told in AS English class, Cambridge. that writing from a child's perspective is one of the most difficult perspective to proficiently author and you have done a brilliantly excellent execution of it. The innocence of the protagonist that maturely showcases what is happening with the plot. Wow, I am impressed how you adeptly wrote it in a innocent perception of a child. I am bested at how you decided to write this plot line. Excellent"
Beautiful and chilling!
"Such a ghastly story written from the perspective of a child. I love how well depicted her innocence is. You accomplished great dialog and descriptions and made it believable. It's usually hard to read small children protagonists because authors tend to exaggerate their maturity but I feel you nailed it! The father seems like a complicated character. He obviously loves his daughter but is capable of such violence. Now I want to know more about his background. Overall, this is a great story, very good work!"
Wow
"I like how you capture the innocence of a kid but still are able to give clues to the reader. The reader realizes things a small kid like her couldn't, causing them to feel sympathy towards her and her situation. The readers become disgusted with her father figure and feel the need to help this poor child. Great job"
Thrils down the spine
"The repeating of the words / sentences, the way you write from a childs perspective; it works. Rarely do I read a book that makes their children seem authentic, they often sound too grown up. But you have managed to capture that in a great way. A great little thriller indeed."
Torn paper is a great thriller. I liked it very much..Continue your good works😊..You will be successful very soon..Wish you a very good luck❤
"Good thriller.. People who like thrillers.. I liked the plot."
Good Good Good!
"This story is just amazing, it is so emotional and just grabs your attention from the start dragging you through more chapters as it is just good. I love the author’s writing style and skill. I just only wished the chapters were longer but that is just me as I like long chapters."
A great start
"This was a great short read and will be a great beginning to hopefully a longer novel. I definitely wanted to know more of the back story, and I enjoyed the character of the father, for sure. Keep it up!"
Here, here!
"First and far most, you got some potential. Like sooo much potential. What a very unique and authentic idea you got going on here. However, there's quite a few things that needs fixing. Grammar and punctuation. A nice proofread will do the job. If not I recommend using Grammarly. It's what I use sometimes. From chapter 1-6 (that's all I've read so far) I've noticed and felt as if the characters were lacking. You need to work on them. When I read, I want to see that the characters are "real" and authentic. Right now, they seem fake and robotic. Without that flow from the characters I'm unable to feel that suspense and fear. I left notes for you in the comment section. I loved the pace. It didn't feel all over the place. There was a lot of mystery and I think you structured this pretty well. Never stop writing. Read for reference and start editing this book. Once polished, I have no doubt that this'll be the next best-seller. Wonderful job."
Great premise, but needs polish.
"Mandatory disclaimer: not a professional writer or editor. I’ll be honest, I didn’t read past chapter three. That’s not to imply the story is bad. In fact, the premise is very interesting. I stopped reading because the writing needs a lot of polish. I hope this review doesn’t come off as snobbish or pedantic because I can’t divorce myself from the technical aspects of writing when I read something. I would love for you to go back over this if you find my advice helpful. I really want to keep reading this one. I’ll start with some general observations. I like the idea of starting each chapter with a journal entry, but I’d confine it to just that. You break the pattern in chapter three and put the entry in the middle, which takes away from the narrative. Speaking of the narrative, you need to settle on a voice and stick with it. I may be misreading this, but it seems to bounce between third person limited and third person omniscient. This is a very common mistake (I’m guilty of it all the time and suck at omniscient.) Going back to the journal entries. Your language implies this is a very young girl, but her journal entries are too advanced for a child in that age range. This may seem like a nit-picky thing, but it’s vitally important. The child-like thoughts are conveyed well within the prose, which necessarily must be written in a more advanced language, but the journals need to be severely limited with regard to sentence structure and vocabulary. Something else younger, or new writers do often is try to create mystery at every turn. When you introduce her father, let us know immediately who he is. Maria obviously knows her own father, so saying: followed by the man, is disingenuous, and will turn a lot of readers off. The best rule of thumb here is: The reader should know what the POV character knows. With regard to mystery. If you intend to maintain third person omniscient, then mentioning this arrangement between families is ok (though you should find a smoother way to introduce it.) But, if you want to go with limited POV, then only mention the arrangement when Maria discovers it. Now that I think of it, omniscient is probably best. Maria is too young of a protagonist to understand the grander concepts the reader will demand from the story. I think I’ve mentioned this next one in all of my reviews, but it is of the utmost importance that dialogue is formatted correctly. Each line of dialogue and its attribution tag should be its own paragraph. Identify the speaker as soon as is practical so the reader can get on with the words without wondering who is saying them. When the speaker is patently obvious, don’t add a tag. My last bit of advice before I go over the text is this: Read as much as possible. Pay attention to the formatting and style of the author. Read articles on structure, style, grammar, and everything else. It will only serve to improve your writing. If you want a practical example look no farther than my own stories. I have one on this site called Stone Singer. I wrote it several years ago and was damn proud of it. Years later, and the writing seems horrible when compared my current stuff. Normally, I go over a few paragraphs sentence by sentence, but the way your story is structured, and the changes that need to be made make that impractical. Instead I’m going to offer a potential re-write of a few paragraphs. I hope this helps. Pay attention to how the information is presented. I’m also pretty shabby at third person omniscient, so don’t be too hard on me. I’m not going to include the journal entries for this. EXAMPLE: Maria waited for her mother outside her room. Her head rested on her forearm, and her eyelids grew heavy. A single thought rattled in her head as her sight faded to black. Mommy will come. Mommy will come. “Maria,” her father bellowed. Her eyes shot open and she stared blankly at him. “Go pack your bags!” “Why,” she squeaked. Her father held a red-stained knife, and Maria trembled under his baleful glare. She picked her tiny body up off the floor and walked to her room, her father right on her heels. His stare intensified as she neatly folded her clothes and put them in her bag. She slung the bag over her shoulder and slumped under the weight of it. Her father beckoned to her, and she trudged to him. She followed her father to the car and he tossed the bag into the back seat, motioning for her to get in. Without a word, he drove them away. Away from mommy. “Daddy, isn’t mommy coming too?” Maria said, looking from his sweat-covered forehead to his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. The deed was done. One part of the accursed agreement fulfilled, who knew how many others were left to come. Maria’s father jerked when his phone buzzed in is pocket. He shifted around, finally managing to pull the thing free. “It’s done,” he growled. “No, the body’s still there.” Maria furrowed her brow. She didn’t know who Daddy was talking to, but she was pretty sure he was talking about Mommy. “No,” Daddy said, “bury it anywhere. Just don’t leave any evidence.” Okay, so that’s an example of the first chapter. Compare it to yours, and see if you can deconstruct the changes, and replicate them. My style of writing is obviously not the only one and may not work for you. I’ve found, though, that when my words have been rewritten for me, it makes me see my writing in a whole new light. MOST IMPORTANTLY: CONTINUE WRITING! YOU HAVE THE STORY TELLER’S GIFT, YOU JUST NEED THE WRITER’S KNOWLEDGE."
