Will Robin

Uneven; great promise

The author understands how writing works; work is very grammatically sound. The storytelling, for me, felt a bit of a rollercoaster. Infestation, for example, seemed to be ramping up to greater stakes/conflict and then abruptly ended. Felt unfinished. By contrast both Family Portrait and Looking Glass, very similar in concept, seemed much longer than necessary for tight storytelling. As if (my opinion) the author were artificially inflating the narrative to extend the tales. Considering the off-balance Show v Tell in such (would estimate 20/80) would encourage more character interaction/dialogue if stories need be longer. Though something like Looking Glass could be two chapters, even just one, for a much more gripping narrative

Lovely Relationships, Low Stakes

If the story were setup to be a quiet forest-setting tale about budding relationships it would perhaps succeed - but the author has turned the world on its ear. Like Deep Impact or Dante's Peak or The Day After Tomorrow, the Inciting Incident here would...should...herald the end of the world. But no End of the World conflict is present. As if the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are loose and Alan Grant spends a chapter or two searching for his wallet. Voldemort is roaming Hogwarts and Harry is desperately studying to pass his Potions final. The characters are lovely, their relationship is sweet, but given the circumstances all life on earth is threatened...except there's virtually no threat on the pages. It's hardly hinted at beyond the fringes of the story. This imbalance just did not work for me

Keep Digging! (seriously!!)

This writer is going places; she definitely has a good handle on the technical craft. Now I just want to care about the characters! The first six or so chapters are mostly A Week At An Archaeological Dig, with little to no conflict or stakes - what does the MC want? What is keeping her from getting it? Then the inciting incident happens and there's a great opportunity for conflict, the stakes are pretty dang high - but still so much is told rather than shown, plus the tennis-match POV head-hopping kept pushing me away. The plot and characters both have lovely potential - and I have every confidence that GT will keep revising until they can shine like they deserve!

Stop Whatever You're Doing

And read this right now! Seriously! Allow for the fact that in the first few chapters the conflict and stakes are held a bit at arm's length and wait to be drawn into a gripping, well-told tale. You will not be waiting long

Verbose

I give a lot of weight to first impressions; there were several typos in the blurb and one in the first sentence (even allowing for the 'first sentence' to actually be a quirky chapter title--this is not evident until seeing further chapters as it is not in bold or italics--which does not cite the original source). The first thing I noticed as I was introduced to Nik and her friends is how very well-read they are; the word choices both in dialogue and narration often drew attention to themselves. In the first chapter alone I found: entrails, querulant, unagitated, rattan (misspelled), bohemian, heedlessness, nonsenses, preposterous, provocatively. The writer is without question intelligent and is attempting to set an interesting, idiosyncratic scene with identifiable characters - but the dialogue doesn't always come off as realistic, and any word choices that draw attention to how clever they are...are simultaneously pushing the reader out of the story. Further vocab words noted throughout the manuscript: vagabond, ubiquitous, euphoric, chambermaid, provocateur, culminated, reminiscences, intractable, obnoxious, macerated, crystallized (misspelled), quadrate, stupefied, ejaculate... Overall the technical side of things was pretty good; some minor typos and occasional tense changes. The largest issue I struggled with beyond the slap-in-the-face four dollar words was the plot movement. For the first seven chapters there...basically wasn't any. Very little conflict and zero stakes; I was reading about four people on vacation and their interactions, while excessively intelligent, remained unstimulating. Things do ramp up in Chapter Seven, to be sure - more than one-fifth of the way through the story. Also...the source of said conflict is something that, while worth exploring, needs to be handled extremely carefully and might turn off some readers. (I wasn't a fan at all, if I'm honest. One of the four main characters committed, knowingly or not, a harmful act towards a minor and from what I read received no comeuppance or punishment) The Character Agency of Nicole might benefit from some tweaking; in the first third of the book she seems to stay at a very even keel. She's not being dragged around by the ear, but neither is she doing much to advance the story. She's just...on vacation. Once the mess does hit our heroes, the inherent conflict as they try to untangle it was compelling, if ultimately unsatisfying for me personally. One odd note; there's a Mature Content warning in Chapter 32 that comes after the Mature Content the reader is warned about. And finally the Epilogue reveal feels not like a natural story closer but a rather blatant attempt to interest a reader in a sequel. As though Chapter One of Book Two had slipped in. The writer is definitely talented; that I could be as interested as I was in a largely plotless narrative for seven full chapters speaks to their ability. Lots of potential here!

Some Assembly Required

The concept, letters from the Titanic, is very intriguing! Unfortunately there were some minor grammatical issues sprinkled throughout; a more difficult challenge, immersion-wise, were expressions in dialogue and narration that did not ring true for the time period. (Which is a challenge in writing historical fiction as I well know!) 'How great you have been doing,' 'Hold on, Celeste just gave me a massive package,' "Find it complicated to process all this,' etc. Am very certain that 'alright' and 'kid' (referring to a child) were not in usage a hundred-and-ten years ago. Nor can I imagine a woman referring to herself as 'fabulous.' The spoken dialogue being sometimes in italics and sometimes not was distracting and confusing; seemed random. Narration switches from past to present and back again fairly often. Descriptions were good; but one overall issue that kept me from being drawn into the narrative was a relative lake of stakes. Obviously a character taking ship on the Titanic will have a great deal of conflict soon enough; in the meantime chapter after chapter passed with the MC seemingly content with life as it was. There was little conflict or desire for the MC besides enjoying her cruise. But the very idea is very interesting and (far as I know) unique! Look forward to seeing what the author can do with the concept!

So smart I don't get it??

Typo in the book title not a good sign; no author name on the cover looks unprofessional; conversely the words found within proved the author to be a very talented writer. Chapter One, anyway; the blurb which one reads at first was (in my opinion) very over-written, even to the point of rambling. Did not establish what the main character wanted nor what was keeping her from getting it. The first page, however, was beautifully written. Very engaging and with lovely descriptions. This would be a feature throughout the piece, at least the first third - lovely descriptions. Little to no dialogue, little to no character interaction in the first few chapters, little to no stakes or conflict or plot movement...just paragraph upon paragraph of lovely description. I felt like I had lived in the village my whole life - but unfortunately felt almost completely disconnected from the main character. When Chapter One introduced very little I was hoping Two or Three or Four would...but though characters came in, they seemed incidental to the overall continued description. I have literally never seen a book with less dialogue; felt like the first chapters averaged maybe a dozen lines per chapter. Dialogue is, of course, one of the easiest ways to establish character and develop plot and the author left this tool sitting in the corner. By Chapter Six the plot was thickening and the story beginning - but that's about five-and-a-half chapters too late in my opinion. By the end of the first third there were indeed glimmers of high stakes, of conflict, but such was far too late to draw me into the rest of the story. But make no mistake; this writer is talented. Though very unbalanced there were nonetheless shades of genius in the story overall

Flashes of Brilliance

Swept into reading with no knowledge of the author or her book; was immediately obvious the writer works at a professional level. Was not at all surprised to find the book available on Amazon. There were a few technical problems, though, enough to lose a star. The biggest issue for me was that more words were used than necessary (a problem I'm painfully familiar with!). Would guess the book could be 10-15K lighter and, in process, more gripping. There were also some plot points I found hard to swallow. Also want to encourage the author in reference to Character Agency; Miranda was relatable, no question, but for too much of what I read was leaning more towards the Snow White side of things (the story sweeping her along) than the Katniss Everdeen side (making things happen.) Nonetheless - this was one of the best Inkitt experiences I have had to date

Rough but Beautiful

There is no question the author deeply cares about their characters, and the story to be told. It is rare to see so much heart in a story. Would have loved to see more and be told less, struggled to be completely drawn into the narrative. But this author is going places. Please keep writing!

Weighed in the Balance; Found Wanting

The author is definitely passionate about their characters. But the writing, so far, didn't measure up in my opinion. Other readers may disagree but a First Chapter list of characters...I don't care to read. Get me into the story as soon as possible! Introduce me to those same characters, draw me into them, save the Glossary for the end if at all. There were grammar and punctuation problems that pushed at me, keeping me from being drawn in; one of the most serious being the tense changes from second to first person and back. ('He knew death was inevitable', 'it would be days of agony watching your body') Considering Chapter Two as the book's actual beginning, there was lots of telling and not much showing. I want to feel on-scene, experiencing the story with the characters; in this case it was more like I was across a coffeeshop table from the author, as they told me what happened in their story. Switching between first and third person from one chapter to the next was also unfortunately jarring. HOWEVER; the author has created a rich world; it's a place I want to be. Well, it's a place I want to want to be, if that makes sense. Please keep writing!